Fall Apart
by greer
Summary: Claudia deals with the BSC's changing lives and perspectives.
1. chapter 1

We always said we'd be friends forever. Sometimes this goal felt more attainable than other times. But still, we always had this unbreakable bond--AKA the Baby-sitters Club. Even when we broke up for a short while, I always felt like the BSC would weather things together.  
  
And then we left SMS and, it seemed, the BSC behind. And suddenly history meant nothing; we were just another clique of friends that could succumb to the various forms of peer pressure and outside forces at any moment.  
  
I was thinking of all this when I was sitting in Ms. Talman's English class. Daydreaming in English class--not a rare Claudia Kishi occurrence. That early October day, however, was different. This was the first time my friends were split without the BSC there to eventually stabilize things.  
  
I sighed and doodled a little in my notebook. I loved my friends. I really did. But I felt that some of them, mainly Stacey, were being just a wee bit hypocritical.  
  
A few months ago, which felt like an eternity, Stacey went through a stage. Well, that's putting it nicely. Basically, what Stacey did was dump us--her friends for life--for kids that she thought were cooler than us. Well, she learned from her mistakes and everything; but it took her a long time to get over how Kristy treated her. Kristy was so angry and had a hard time letting Stacey back in the BSC.  
  
Now Kristy's in a similiar situation--except that she didn't ditch us or anything. She did something she wasn't supposed to do and got caught.  
  
I reminded Stacey over and over that we've done things of equal or greater magnitude. But Stacey informed me that very few people know that. Everyone knows that Kristy was caught smoking and it makes us "look bad."  
  
So how did Stacey react? She ditched Kristy. It was payback, I suppose; but come on. Stacey even got the rest of our friends to go along with her for a little while. Luckily, that had subsided, but still.  
  
My friends were pretty upset. Mary Anne was practically heartbroken. I didn't understand why, exactly. I guessed because it was a sign that we're growing older and really leaving SMS behind. In middle school, we were all so innocent. We never did anything that other people, like Hannah Toce and Shawna Riverson, did--go to the high school parties and stuff like that.  
  
But now we were _in_ high school. Things were different now. I tried in vain to explain this to Mary Anne. Things change, you know?  
  
I think she'd like things to stay the way they were forever.   
  
So the day after Kristy got caught, the BSC pretty much gave her her walking papers. Bye, Kristy. 14 years of friendship--gone.  
  
While they were doing this, I didn't say anything. But I did call her two days later. I explained all this stuff I was thinking of to her. I told her about the wild parties Stacey and I went to in New York. Stacey had recently patched up things with Laine; and Laine invited us to this party that her boyfriend, Criag, was having at his older brother's loft. Saying that things got out of hand was an understatement. Let's just say that I woke up on a futon in Laine's large bedroom, hungover out of my mind.   
  
Stacey didn't drink, thank God--it's way too dangerous for her, with her diabetes and all. However, she did hook up with this one guy. She told him she was sixteen. Yeah right! Anyway, this guy was a friend of the older brother. Stacey doesn't even remember his name and she feels so used.  
  
So I confessed this all to Kristy. All she could say was "Wow."  
  
Among my friends, I felt like things are changing. Some of us were leaving the others behind. I didn't like it. Not at all. 


	2. chapter 2

"Don't you know there ain't no doubt when the feeling finds you out..."   
  
Dance Song '97 by Sleater-Kinney was blaring on my stereo as I was painting. The painting I was working on was one with trees that morphed into people. I'd been influenced by the surrealists lately, and I was trying to move away from the abstract stuff I'd been doing at the time. I feel that as a young artist, it's important for me to explore different styles and not get too stuck in any one thing.  
  
Right at my favorite part of the song, there was a knock at the door that ruined my flow. Startled, I knocked over my turpentine.  
  
"Oh shit," I mumbled. Just my luck. Turpentine definitely stains, and, left long enough, it'd burn a hole through my carpet. My mother has been bugging me lately about all the stains on the carpet.  
  
Whoever it was knocked again. "Come in," I called from my position halfway under my bed, looking for some paper towels.  
  
It was Janine. She said, "Hey Claud, could I borrow some brown eyeshadow?"  
  
"Uh, sure," I said. I smiled to myself for a second, remembering how, when she was trying to impress Jerry, her now ex-boyfriend, she wore horrendous blue eyeshadow that just did not work at all. "It's on my dresser... somewhere."  
  
"Thanks. Oh, and mom wants you to make a salad for dinner."  
  
"Alright," I replied. But first I had to take care of that turpentine spill.  
  
...  
  
The salad made, the roast ready, the entire Kishi family sat down to dinner.  
  
"Pass the meat," I said. I was hungry, after painting since I got home from school.  
  
My mother smiled at me as she handed me the platter. "How was school, honey?"  
  
"Fine, I guess. Olivia really likes my sculpture," I replied.  
  
"Olivia?" my father asked.  
  
"My art teacher. She doesn't like to be called Ms. Williams. She says that whenever someone calls for Ms. Williams, she looks around for her mother cause she thinks they're asking for her."  
  
"Ahh," my father said neutrally. He's an investment banker and pretty conservative, and Janine and I have always been instructed to address adults and Mr. ______ or Ms./Mrs. ______.  
  
"That's nice," my mother said.   
  
"Well, I finished my application for Princeton today. I'm a little bit unsure about the essay, but..." Janine smiled. "I'm relieved."  
  
"Good for you, honey!" My mother sounded very proud.  
  
Princeton? I'd be lucky if I could get into Princeton Community College. If such a thing exists, anyway.  
  
Just then, the phone rang, rescuing me from a dinner full of parents' pride for Janine. "I'll get it!" I said, a little too excitedly.  
  
"Hello?" I said.  
  
"Claud?" It was my boyfriend, Alan Gray.   
  
"Oh hey Alan! What's up? Why are you calling me on this line?" I asked, puzzled.  
  
"You don't mind, do you?" he asked anxiously.  
  
"Nah, not at all," I said, wandering into the den. "But I think my parents might."  
  
"Oh, I'm sorry! Are they mad?" he asked.  
  
"Um, I don't know," I said. "Look Alan, why did you call me on this line?"  
  
"Cause I figured you'd be eating... and yeah."  
  
I raised my eyebrows. "Umm... okay, I guess. Anyway. What's up?"  
  
"I was just calling to say congratulations."  
  
"What?" Nothing out of the ordinary had happened that day. 


	3. chapter 3

"Look at the SHS website, and call me back," Alan replied mysteriously.  
  
My dad started calling me at that moment. "Look, I've got to go, but I definitely will do that. Later," I said.  
  
"Later," Alan replied, and hung up.  
  
I walked back into the kitchen in a day. "Why did Alan call you on the family line, Claudia?" Dad asked, looking more than a little peeved.  
  
"Because he knew we'd be eating dinner and he wanted to reach me," I answered, going back to my roast beef.  
  
"It is common courtesy to _not_ call people during dinnertime," Janine said.  
  
"Janine's right," Mom said. "Tell him to not to do that again."  
  
"Well, apparently, I won something or another. He was calling to congratulate me," I said.  
  
"That's nice, sweetie. What did you win?" Mom said distractedly.  
  
"I don't know yet."  
  
Janine raised her eyebrows. "Mysterious. Pass the potatoes, please."  
  
Okay, so my family didn't seem all that excited. But whatever. _I_ was excited. But there was something else on my mind.  
  
  
"So Mom," I said brightly. "What's for dessert?"  
  
"Luckily for you, Claudia, we had a going-away party for Miss Feld today and there's some cake left over."  
  
"Mmm, what kind?" I asked.  
  
"Devil's food."  
  
"It's your lucky day, Claudia," my fathered teased me.  
  
Miss Feld. Thinking of her made me get all nostalgic for the good old days of the BSC, where we'd plan things for the children to do. The library was involved with many of them, and Miss Feld was always very supportive. She was even my boss when I'd worked in the library over the summer with my friend Erica.  
  
"I'm a little sad that Miss Feld's leaving, though," my mother said, as if she could read my thoughts.  
  
My parents and Janine began a spirited discussion about the changes Miss Feld had brought to the children's room at the Stoneybrook Public Library. I, however, was on my own train of thought.  
  
It may have been reading too much into things, but I couldn't help thinking that Miss Feld's leaving was sort of symbolic of the way things were going in my life. Kristy's caught in a compromising situation, the BSC is definitely over, and now someone who helped the BSC with so many do-gooder kinds of projects is off for Texas.  
  
  
Once dinner--and dessert--was over, I headed off to my bedroom. Kicking aside the usual mess, I turned on the computer. Logging onto the SHS website, I saw immediately what Alan was talking about. There was a headline that said, "CONGRATULATIONS CLAUDIA KISHI FOR WINNING FIRST PRIZE IN THE STUDENT ART SHOW!"   
  
I screamed. I couldn't believe it. I had entered the first sculpture I'd done in my art class, just for kicks. I had never expected to win anything, much less first place, when I'd been competing with people older than me, some by as much as four years.  
  
"Claudia! What on earth is the matter?" Janine rushed into my room, looking incredibly concerned.  
  
"Nothing's the matter, Janine," I laughed. "I'm just happy."  
  
"Oh?" she said. "Does this have to do with the mysterious dinnertime phone call?"  
  
"Yes," I answered, smiling. "I won first prize in this art show!"  
  
Janine smiled and gave me a hug. "Congratulations, little sister." 


	4. chapter 4

I slammed the door to Janine's car and headed over to the bench in front of SHS where the former members of the BSC generally gather before school begins. Sometimes, though, I go inside and hang out by the lockers with Erica and Kristy (who have become really good friends as of late).  
  
Stacey and Rachel Griffith were already there. I still don't really like Rachel (old habits die hard) and I didn't like the fact that Rachel was kind of stealing my role in Stacey's life.   
  
Our friendship never really got back to the point it was before the whole Jeremy thing. Stacey seemed more, I don't know, standoffish. It reminded me of the way she was when she ditched us for the cheerleaders and basketball players, only now she wasn't telling us we were immature or anything like that.  
  
My thoughts were interrupted by Stacey herself. "Hey Claud," she said, tossing her sleek blonde hair. She was wearing a peasant blouse, a khaki skirt, and boots with embroidery on them.   
  
"Hi, Stace," I said. "How was your weekend?"  
  
"Oh, great," she breathed. She even blushed a little. "Ethan took me to the coolest gallery. He even knew one of the artists there. You'd have loved it, Claud."  
  
"Yeah, I'll bet."  
  
Just then Kristy walked by. She waved to me, but Stacey turned towards her locker and pretended not to see her.  
  
I rolled my eyes. "Stacey, what's with you? Why are you so angry with Kristy? All she did was smoke a cigarette. Jesus."  
  
"You don't get it, Claud, do you?" she sneered, eyes flashing. "She was always Miss High and Mighty, and now that SHE messes up, we're all supposed to support her or whatever?" She rolled her eyes. "Give me a break."  
  
Rachel shifted uncomfortably. "Um, maybe I should go..."  
  
Both Stacey and I ignored her. I was too busy trying to keep my cool. "Look Stacey, she's not so "high and mighty" anymore. She's grown up a little, okay?"  
  
Stacey relented a little bit. "Maybe."  
  
"Now she understands that she was wrong in being so strict or something," I suggested.  
  
Stacey closed her eyes briefly and leaned against her locker. "Whatever. Anyway, it's time for homeroom."  
  
I sighed and gathered up my books. 


	5. chapter 5

Alan was in my homeroom, so I slid down in the seat next to him. He looked over at me and smiled and blushed a little.  
  
"Hey there," I greeted him.  
  
"Hi, Claudia," he answered.  
  
"Thanks for letting me know about the award," I continued, running my fingers through my hair. "I'm still in shock, I think."  
  
"You deserve it," he said sincerely as the PA system crackled to life.  
  
They announced my award, and it was my turn to blush. I looked over at Alan, but he was busy folding things out of paper. When he saw me looking over at him, he looked guilty, like he was doing something he wasn't supposed to be doing. I sighed inwardly.  
  
Homeroom passed quickly. Alan and I stepped out into the sea of kids, many of them stopping to congratulate me. I felt a tap on my shoulder. I turned around and Emily Bernstein was standing there.  
  
"Hi Emily," I said. "What's up?"  
  
"Well," she started. "I'm writing for the SHS Courier, as you probably know already, and I'd like to do an interview with you. I did some research, and I found out that you're the first ninth-grader to ever win first place in a SHS art show. So I'd like to do a piece/interview on you. How does that sound?"  
  
I gasped. "Wow, I had no idea! Um, I'd love that." I looked over at Alan. He seemed slightly uncomfortable.  
  
"Well, that's settled," she said in a brusque, business-like way. "I've got to run. I'll contact you later with the details. Bye Claud. Congratulations!"  
  
"Thanks," I called after her as she rushed down the hall.  
  
On the way to my locker, kids were stopping me left and right, offering their congratulations. "Wow, this is amazing," I commented to Alan. "I feel like I'm somebody, you know?"  
  
Alan didn't say anything.  
  
"Alan?" I ventured.  
  
"What, Claud?" he said.  
  
"Are you okay?"  
  
He snapped out of his daze. "Yeah, fine. Look, I have to get to math. See ya," and with that, he gave me a quick kiss and was gone.  
  
I stood there watching him, wondering just what was up with him.  
  
************  
  
Kristy was in my next class, which was health. Health is such a time-waste; our teacher doesn't know what she's talking about and she basically has no control over the class. She just hands out pamphlets and puts on a video and that's the extent of her teaching. So it was the perfect time to discuss my problems with someone.  
  
"Alan's acting weird," I whispered over to Kristy.  
  
She grinned. "Since when is that news?"  
  
I rolled my eyes. "Ha ha. No, he is acting... distant or something."  
  
"How?"  
  
"I don't know, it's just like..." I sighed. I couldn't explain how I felt just yet. "Nevermind. I guess it's nothing. Back to the extraordinarily educational movie on how to... use the word no!" 


End file.
